Dish Pan Hand Blues.
I used to like yogurt. I liked peanut butter once too.
First of all, I'm legally classified cleaning impaired. Most men are. Initially I thought that if I didn't get food stains on my underwear, I had done my part of the cleaning.
That's only part of the dilemma though. My wife has been instructing me in the basics of cleaning for a couple months now. She developed whiplash from hitting herself on the forehead.
We don't have a dishwasher nor, do we want one, because you have to do the dishes before you put them in the dishwasher. Since I'm not working, I have been washing dishes and doing some cooking. I'm grateful Hon is working, as I currently cannot find a job. She is my hero for putting up with me.
The problem I have doing dishes is with those stupid, flimsy, almost throw-away "Glad" storage containers. I hate them. I tried throwing them away when we first got them. My God, you'd have thought I was abandoning a baby in the trash! They don't come clean, especially when you put yogurt and peanut butter in them. Smells never come out of them if you put chili or spaghetti in them. I have to wash about eight a day. That leaves no room on the drying rack for other dishes so if I'm the one to set the table I use paper plates. If Hon cooks, there is a plate, a smaller plate and a bowl at each place. She actually makes three things when she cooks. She must have been a chef at one time.
Hon puts peanut butter on apples every day for lunches and mixes granola in with her yogurt and takes them to work in Glad containers. Sometimes she makes a smoothy with frozen fruit and yogurt in the blender, other times she just eats yogurt. Have you ever seen what yogurt does to dishwater? There are eight million floaters that don't seem to rinse off, no matter what you do, and you may as well put epoxy on a Glad container as peanut butter. You have to store the lids of the Glad containers separately or there won't be enough cupboard space in the entire house. That pretty much insures that you can't find the right lid if you need one.
Hon says they are eco-friendly. I think not, considering the amount of water I use washing them. The one good thing about them is that they can't kill anyone if we start scrapping and they get thrown out the window. I don't know how many times that has happened to an innocent passerby.
Another dish related problem is that Hon is a portioner. By that, I mean every thing has to be the exact amount in the recipe or portion size on the box. Do any of you measure out your Ordinary K cereal? Granola? A glass of milk? Do you have any idea how many measuring cups I wash per day? Me neither, my hands are too wrinkled to count. She still cooks once in a while because she get's tired of Hamburger helper. A tablespoon of curry or what ever spice she's using, has to be exact, right down to the last molecule. This involves several measuring spoons per meal. Me? I just use my hand and throw what ever looks approximately similar to what's in the instructions, in the general direction of the bowl. If I do use a measuring cup, I use one and only one. If it says a third of a cup, I eyeball it. Hon told me there are dry measuring cups and fluid measuring cups. Riiight. Like I am really concerned now, since I haven't known about that my entire life.
When I was single I had an eight ounce coffee cup, knife, fork, spoon, a plate and a saucepan. Micro waves were not considered a necessity in those years. I rinsed them off and washed them in the sink once a week. I ate out of cans frequently. Rather than dirty up the pan I would put a can of what ever (Usually a Chef Boyardee product.) in the sauce pan and boiled water around it. When I do the dishes nowadays, there are eight used flubberware glasses and six coffee cups that need washing by noon. We have about twenty knives and if you need one at the end of the day you have to wash one. Every time my son wants a sandwich (every ten minutes) he needs a new knife. That boy thinks I'm a bread wagon with biscuit wheels.
We need two cutting boards, one for meat, and one for veggies. Why not cut the veggies first?
I cannot find rubber gloves to fit my hands. Apparently the people who make them, surmise that women are the only ones to do dishes. My hands are pruned up most the time and they've cracked on the knuckles and joints. I go through a pound of hand cream a week. I think I'm getting jungle rot again.
Did you know in the middle ages they had wooden plates that were kind of gouged out? They were called trenchers. They were never washed , instead the dogs cleaned them. That's where we get the term "trench mouth". I'm sure there is a more politically correct medical term for it now.
Do the dishes in the sink
To make room for the dishes on the counter
To make room for the dishes on the stove
Can you tell I'm bored? Why else would I write about doing dishes? Who in their right mind would write over seven hundred words about washing dishes?
Next week, maybe "Adventures in dusting," or "Help, The bunnies are attacking me."