Men often have their wives working nights and have to fix their own supper. Sometimes they visit their mother for three months or so.(the wives) It is tough when they do that! If you have kids It's tougher.
If you are single, that means you have money, so skip this article and go out to eat at Micky D's or somewhere. Likewise if you are one of those wack-jobs that go to the gym to do anything besides check out the aerobics class then stop reading this now and go find a Juice-man commercial on Youtube.
I thought that occasionally I would post some of my quick, culinary, non-healthful snacks for when your wife is not looking so you can maintain that manly svelte two hundred fifty pound body.
It's important that you learn these things so you don't have to compete with the dog over his Purina. Pay attention!
Now I don't like puny women that are constantly being swept down storm grates. Don't get me wrong, I'm not attracted to women that look like Andre the Giant either. (However I have seen some with better sideburns.) Following that logic, I don't think women are attracted to ultra marathoners that look like an alien someone turned inside out.
You should eat the healthy food your wife cooks when she is there. It's because she loves you. (They used to make you cinnamon rolls before loudmouths like Richard Simmons, and that acorn eating Euell Gibbons came along.)
|ANOTHER ITEM I'LL BE ADDING TO MY MENU|
This is a recipe that I am putting in my restaurant, Picoler Et Les Haricot, (Booze and Beans) when I open it.
You will need:
And I use brown mustard.
I'm sorry this has some ingredients, sometimes that's unavoidable.
Yes I know, but it's really not that hard.
Slice the muffins and toast them . One half slice in each side. (The boxy thing with slots on top)
When they pop up grab them and put on a paper plate. Put your fingers in your mouth if they're too hot.
Spread Mayo on one of the halves. Spread mustard on the other one.
Open salami package, take out two slices and put on mustard side of the muffin. If it has green stuff on it scrape it off.
Slice cheese, usually two pieces. It's best, to get them pre-sliced. Your wife has been using the same knife since you were married and you have never sharpened it, so use your hunting knife. Make sure you have cleaned it since last hunting season. Have band aids handy.
Put the cheese on the other muffin and put the two pieces together.
Place it on the paper plate and put in microwave for thirty seconds. If you accidentally put it on for thirty minutes, put the fire out and start over.
If you absolutely feel the need for lettuce, use Iceberg, as it has no nutritional value what so ever.
Garnish with a half a bag of potato chips and lay Oreos in a circle around the edge of your plate. Remember you eat with your eyes too.
Grab your sandwich, get a beer and watch a sporting event of your choosing.
Wasn't that easy? Pat your self on the back. Oh! Remember to put that stuff back in the fridge during half-time.
Well That's it for today. I'll post these recipes as I come up with them. Maybe Kool-Aid.
Remember: life is too short to stuff a mushroom.
Why did you leave your previous job? ME: Because once they fire you they won't let you stay.