Tip for the day

Isn't it strange that evolution would give us a sense of humor? When you think about it, it's weird that we have a physiological response to absurdity. We laugh at nonsense. We like it. We think it's funny. Don't you think it odd that we appreciate absurdity? Why would we develop that way? How does that benefit us? I suppose if we couldn't laugh at things that don't make sense we couldn't react to a lot of life. I can't tell if that's funny or really scary. Calvin

Don’t struggle to change. Struggle strengthens what you are trying to change.
- Cheri Huber


A day without laughter is a day wasted.
- Charlie Chaplin


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Wednesday, May 9, 2012

LARD




I cooked supper tonight as per instructed. We were supposed to have a healthy baked potato meal. but we were out of broccoli. Even I am able to bake potatoes.

I needed to cook bacon to crumble on them.  My middle name is Hormel and I have a gold medal in bacon eating, so I guess I cooked up about a pound. I chopped it up frozen and it worked great, but you can't tell how much you have. There was a lot even though bacon cooks down.
I got the looks from my son and wife when I put it on the table. Apparently it looked over cooked to them. There I was with a ton of bacon bits and a potato. I put butter sour cream and bacon on the potato. I was supposed to have broccoli with it but we didn't have any. Hon went on a tirade about fat, nitrates, carcinogens, and cost. Personally I was happy no one else wanted the bacon.

I pulled out two pieces of bread and threw a ton of mayonnaise  and sprinkled it with cheese, a hand full of bacon, and put on lettuce and tomato. I got the look. It's kind of like when Spock or Tilk tilt their eyebrows and say "Indeed" or "Fascinating". That's my warning I'm overdoing something.

I'm sitting there chock full O bacon, cheese, mayonnaise, butter, sour cream, and potato. At this point you may think "What an idiot".

Hon has to go to a function tonight, Water board meeting, Tupperware meeting, book club or something like that. She will get dressed and come out and ask if something makes her butt look big. It will be very believable when I clutch at my chest, fall on the ground and flop around. It's safer to eat all that stuff than it is for me to answer that question. Her butt is not big, but there is no right answer. If you are newly married pay attention! If you say "No." she will think you mean her clothes makes a fat butt looks smaller, and conclude she has a fat butt. If you say "I don't know." you will be badgered and made to look at it for an assessment for about a month, thereby prolonging  the dread of getting beat. If you say "No dear, your but is so tiny it's barely there, she will think you are a liar just trying not to tell her she is fat. If you say yes you better have the engine running in your car.


I think she has a meeting tomorrow night too. I think I'll make pork chops and french fried potatoes. Remember there is good fat and bad fat. Good fat doesn't get you killed.

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