IT ALL HURTS EYESIGHT
Some people tilt their head back so far when they wear bifocals as they read a book or work on a computer, that I often think I can see their brains through their nose . I had a special pair of computer glasses made so people won’t see whether booger fairy has blessed me. They also allow me to read things closer than ten feet away.
Sometimes I forget to switch back to my regular glasses and often end up in the women’s bathroom or having long conversations with flower arrangements. Plants are very good listeners usually (except for poinsettias for some reason.) If I don't have my regular glasses on, I can't differentiate between fireworks and beer signs. I've been known to finish off half a can of dog food because I couldn't see the label without my glasses. We'll talk about taste buds some other time.
Hon and I went to the grocery store once and somehow I lost my glasses in the car. (I take them off when she's driving.) Browsing the produce Dept. I had a ten minute conversation about tomatoes with a person I'd never met thinking it was my wife. When my wife rescued the woman, they laughed until they cried. If I thought I could have driven home without my glasses, I would have left her there.
I've addressed losing glasses before, so let it suffice to say, make sure you have a bunch of them around. I'll just say one word...Poltergeists
Glasses have special disguising properties. No one ever noticed superman was really Clark Kent when he took off his glasses, so if you live near one of the leaking nuclear plants, turn green and gain super powers, just wear your glasses and your secret identity will be safe. When I lived near the Rocky Flats nuclear site all I got was an extra middle finger. It's very handy when I'm mad.
I have noticed one of the drawbacks to glasses is that they get dirty and when you sweat, they crawl down your nose. I get the kind that hook behind your ears, but there is no cure for sweat streaks. Once I bought a type of plastic gutter held in place above my eyebrows by elastic. They worked extremely well for riding my bicycle. Not so great for just running, as sweat does not evaporate as quickly when moving slower. As far as looks go you may as well wear a beanie cap with a propeller on it.
Glasses steam up when it's cold or you are around long-legged women. In the latter case it's just as well if you're with your wife, as long as you don't blindly grope around in front of you towards unfamiliar blobs. I remember a not so pleasant incident where I slapped a girl on the butt thinking it was my wife.
Another weird thing is; You can't hear without glasses, which explains a lot about people that have had eye surgery from young doctors or wear contacts.
|I have astigmatism and my dominant eye is my left eye and I am right handed. My left eye has horrible vision and gives me double vision when I focus hard on far away things, so I had a pair sort of like this made for target archery and trapshooting. You can't believe the guff I've taken. "Five alive, Robo-Cop, Wall-e and Borg boy." are often heard around the range. You really need both eyes to be great, but this helped. I have a brother that only has one eye so I'm not whining. Other than fine target shooting regular glasses work fine. They're not helpful with instinctive shooting. I just know your fascinated|
To sum up:
1. Your eyesight deteriorates as you age.
2. Laser surgery is not an option.
3. Contacts are not an option.
4. You get a lot of benefits, relationships (and things) by not wearing glasses at strategic times.
5. It doesn't matter if people are ugly.
o;ermy py hp ypj nsyj tpp, Darnit! I Took off my glasses and forgot.
6. Wear glasses.
Be seeing you... or not