Tip for the day

Isn't it strange that evolution would give us a sense of humor? When you think about it, it's weird that we have a physiological response to absurdity. We laugh at nonsense. We like it. We think it's funny. Don't you think it odd that we appreciate absurdity? Why would we develop that way? How does that benefit us? I suppose if we couldn't laugh at things that don't make sense we couldn't react to a lot of life. I can't tell if that's funny or really scary. Calvin

Don’t struggle to change. Struggle strengthens what you are trying to change.
- Cheri Huber


A day without laughter is a day wasted.
- Charlie Chaplin


I'm sure you already know, but if you hit 'READ MORE', the article opens, if it is not already open. If you click my anger mgt. banner, the entire list opens.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

FOOT PRINTS ON THE CEILING

































If it weren't for things that cause anger, I would have very little to write about, so in many ways I'm grateful to anger.

Have you ever put money in a vending machine and got nothing? Have you ever run out of toilet paper? Besides your butt, what did you feel at that time? Those of you that said anger gave the correct answer. Every one else needs to send me some of whatever you are taking.


The seven deadly sins are listed as ....wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony. Notice the very first one listed, Wrath. What the heck is wrong with the people who wrote this? No one says wrath! Man! That really gets my goat. Who says wrath today except super villains. That's probably why they always lose. It makes super heroes so mad, they slap them silly. Sorry, I got all wrathed there.

There's nothing that anger can't make worse. Anger always comes back on you in one form or another. Today I had one of those real small, fast flies buzzing around, landing on my head and my food. I got angry. Any fool knows that hitting a small, wary, fly is harder than getting Siamese twins in a kayak. I could have gotten the fly swatter and whacked him quietly, at my leisure, but noo... I had to go nuclear. I picked up a rolled newspaper and started chasing him through the house swinging away, like I was trying to hit a home run. Curtains fell down, lamps broke, and I fell down and hurt my shoulder. The whole time the fly was gaily flitting around laughing his little fly butt off. Eventually I just shared my sandwich with him.


There are two major causes of anger, traffic, and marriage. If you've been married awhile, you know every habit, flaw, and idiosyncrasy of your spouse. You can finish each others sentences. For men there is no longer any need for communication, so they don't. Women are never ever done with communicating. The only reason people mate for life is that they can't afford divorce lawyers.
Men are angry and frustrated that the women want to rehash every single little thing, even though he already knows it. Women can't stand men sitting in their Lazy Boys reading their newspaper and ignoring them. Anger resulting in conflict is born. It can erupt into vicious emotional shouting matches over stupid things, like leaving the toilet seat up, which brings us to traffic. 

Most accidents are caused by angry spouses. These drivers are seeing the angry spouse or ex in his or her mind constantly. They will run lights and swerve across lanes if an opportunity presents itself to run over their ex-spouses, or anyone who looks like them even if it's just in their own mind. This causes anger in the innocent driver, who has no idea what's causing the angry driver's mind to explode. Soon everyone is showing each other the Zip lock finger's big brother. Depending on where you are, this can result in gun play. In the south every pickup has at least one rifle and one handgun. People are much more polite there. I'm southwest so I prefer a 357 mag because of the penetrating power.


One thing that can cause uncontrollable fits of rage are packages, that are sealed for your protection. These have caused me more than one trip to the dentist. Another rage producer are childproof pill bottles. Who takes the most medicines? That's right, the elderly. Usually they have arthritis, and the meds in the bottles are for their arthritis. I keep two large channel lock pliers on the kitchen table to open mine.

Ever try to put together furniture that is not pre-assembled? Any idiot can do that. Riiight! Here is a tip to save you some stress. Before buying non assembled furniture, Take a pile of  money equivalent to the furniture you you are going to buy and burn it in your back yard. It saves you a trip to the store. You won't have to go to the emergency room when you stab your self with a phillips screwdriver. You won't look for missing parts for a week. The boards that don't fit will not smash your wife's plants. You won't progress far enough to realize you got instructions for a desk, but you're putting a book case together. If you absolutely must have a book case, get it pre-assembled or get some boards and some cinder blocks like you did in college. Your anger can give you a heart attack. It raises your blood pressure. It can also make you irregular, which has it's own set of problems. Just watch fiber commercials if you don't believe me. Speaking of commercials... 

As near as I can tell, lately, they have been making commercials for the sole purpose of making people angry. If you attach data to a strong emotion you never forget it. How many of your divorces have you forgotten? They will remain a large stone in the kidney of your memory for years. They still make you angry.  The plots of some of these commercials are so  stupid you never want to see them again. Who wants to see commercials about mom and daughter's bodily fluids or odors. The answer to that is "It depends."

Have you ever seen the commercials for lawyers making lawyer excreted statements about workers comp, divorce, or accidents that didn't make you want to sue someone? 

Some commercials don't even tell you what they are advertising. They tell you about twenty or so things they are not advertising. "Hey, honey, Lets buy this Super child whacker from Matelle. Maybe that's what they weren't advertising."  

Following the 911 tragedy they were using patriotism. Every thing had the statue of liberty or a flag behind it. They tried to make you feel like a Nazi war criminal if you didn't buy cars or beer or whatever they were offering. I'm still mad about those commercials, and I still remember the products.Today America no longer makes products. We have become a service economy, like technical support which is the department you call if you have a technical issue and need to be put on hold.

Sports, politics and the economy. Who can discuss them without getting angry? Who wouldn't be depressed? If you keep debating them with people, it eats away at you, until eventually you turn into a bitter, spiteful, hateful person working at the returns department at K mart. Don't even think about politics. You will turn your brain cells into tiny Fruit Loops. Worrying about the stock market will cause you to act like someone who watched Lawrence Welk as a child. Some people actually enjoy talking about sports. I just get mad because I don't make that kind of money. That's why I'm in favor of key players using hand guns. They go on strike every other year now any way. The best team doesn't win. The team that has the least injuries and drug addictions wins.

Are you getting the picture of what anger does? Right, it turns you into people like Sam Kinnison or Don Rickles, or someone who writes entries like this one, only with no money. (actually I have no money, which really gets my goat.) I could go on for ever. I say we do something about these irritating things today!
 
I for one am going to double my medication.


Haiku


A fly is buzzing
And I am hunting it - SWAT!
I am the winner!

But alas, I'm not!
Fly has escaped - still buzzing,
the chase continues.

SWAT! SWAT! CRASH! BOOM! SWAT!
My office is destroyed and
the telephone rings.

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